sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
