She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize