dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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