So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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