i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm passing your future prison.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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