k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
