I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How naked do you want me to be?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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