who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
