Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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