Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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