SEEEEXXX PLEASE
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
