Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
