i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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