I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
