is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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