At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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