dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
