I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Randomize