You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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