You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to have your abortion
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A+ Viking dick
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
