Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Found the puke drawer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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