I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
