checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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