I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
