a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
