All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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