i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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