Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
