i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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