i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
