I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize