she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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