I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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