Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do herpes really smell.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
