i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
as a side note pls kill me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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