I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
