I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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