Banned from zoo.
Again?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
