Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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