I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
