Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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