There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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