best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
