I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
