rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
