I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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