just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
