I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
