I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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