My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
