Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
