508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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