How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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