porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
