Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
