So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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