it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
