The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
