He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
