Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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