i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
