ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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