I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
