My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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