Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
