I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
