I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
