Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
