i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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