dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
