if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
