Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
