By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize