I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
