some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
