I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize