He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
