It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize